90210 - The Next Generation

I have a confession to make. I've never really watched the original 90210. I just couldn't get into it when I was a kid, and though I've caught a few reruns on cable over the years, I don't have the same reverence for it that everyone else seems to. Which is why I didn't blink an eye when the CW announced plans to bring back 90210 for the modern era. After all, it worked for Degrassi. So, like many others, I awaited the premiere anxiously. And I was highly entertained. Although, as you can see below in the conversation I had with Rick during the show, probably not for the reasons the producers intended.

Rick: titties
Ostrowe: big ones
O: are you watching 90210
R: no
R: is darcy amazing?
O: she looks like she lost weight
O: but kelly's titties are amazing
R: she didn't need to lose weight
O: i know
O: she looks too skinny
O: probably the switch from canada to LA
O: she fell under the too skinny hollywood trap
O: btw, this show is awful
O: its like every bad teen soap opera rolled into one
R: dagger
O: degrassi + the OC + the original 90210
R: did darcy get attacked by a child predator online while listening to "ummmm whatcha say, that only live once"
O: too bad its too late for me to live blog this thing
R: bah
R: that would have been interesting
O: very
O: darcy's brother is a ricky
R: she is crazy skinny
O: ok good, i wasn't sure if it was just me
R: lame in the first 3 minutes
R: i miss mrs kwan
R: is darcy bow legged
R: this show sucks
O: yes, yes it does
O: yet i can't turn away
R: because of kelly's titties
O: its like the "radios in heaven" of tv shows
(at this point in the show Darcy hopped up on stage to join the school play)
O: that's what we need to make this show even more ridiculous: musical theatre
R: i like how the :45 seconds songs mimic those from degrassi
R: Ominous music! no!
O: ohh, what're the odds!?!?!?
O: you missed darcy walking in on a guy getting a hummer in the first two minutes
R: damn
R: so y is her bro a ricky?
O: adopted
R: Navid? really?
R: that is the gayest name i have ever heard
R: no joke
O: i think its the name of an our lady peace album
R: anfron wants to marmalade samuri girl
O: bah, so do i
O: she was on the real world: san diego
O: i feel sorry for the mom from arrested development (she plays the grandma on this show)
O: she has to act like she's into being on this show
O: she's like ". . . we're 'hangin' at the 90210 premiere party . . . yay"
O: bahahahaha, i just had this conversation w/ mr stanton

BUCKTIM: DH is in California for a few days on business then he is going to Las Vegas
Oz316: "business"
BUCKTIM: yes that is what he told me, probably
monkey business

O: monkey business
R: lol
O: shocker, the principal and the popular girl's mom have an illegitimate child together
R: is that chick a student
R: she looks like she is 35
O: which one?
R: the blonde who was crying
O: yeah
O: the guy she was dancing with is an awful actor
O: he just looks perpetually confused all the time
O: combo of perpetually confused/about to cry
R: surfers watch out
R: ending montage with hip slow music
R: check
R: main charactors change opinion about new state at the zero hour of episode one
R: check
O: they're running into the water with fancy clothes on! that's wacky!
R: only kids do stuff like that!
R: is it a two hour premiere?!
R: now thats wacky!
O: i like how they just randomly threw in the subplot with kelly and her bastard kid
O: the grandma is the only good part of this show
O: its like she's still playing the same character from arrested development
R: we should have done one of those live chats
O: isn't that kind of what we're doing?
R: i suppose
O: we should've made it a little more professional
R: indeed
O: i like how lacrosse is the big sport at west beverly
R: do we have a breakfast club episode on our hands here?
O: i'm sure we will at some point
O: i think that chick is older than me
O: bah, i just lol'ed at that "because its crushed" line
R: the boyfrined back home!
R: never saw that coming
O: this guy's gotta be gay
R: naomi the 35 yr old was born in 1987
O: she looks awful
O: that's a hard 21 years
O: look out, its Stubbly Rebellious Teacher/Coach Guy!
R: aka Mr. O
R: she looks like Selma Blair in Cruel intentions
O: druggie girl?
R: slighly modernized
(tramp stamp)
R: might as well be a bullseye
R: KELLY!
O: it would be awesome if he just called her Miss Titties
R: that would be the gentlemanly thing to do
O: darcy got over the breakup with back home guy pretty quick
O: ty colllins = river pierce
(the chick who looks 35 is back on)
R: her nose is weird when it flares
O: jesus christ, that girl looks fucking terrible
O: she looks like she should be a teacher
(commercial for "My Best Friend's Girl")
O: this movie actually looks funny, and i hate dane cook more than any other human being
R: super lame
O: i would go see it on free movie tuesday
O: although that's going to be tough to do now with 90210 on every tuesday
(Back to the show. Aunt Becky let Darcy go out on a date on a school night with the caveat that she be back before 10)
O: i wish i was keeping a running tally for the number of times the word "blog" was said
R: think she comes home before 10?
O: i predict shenanigans
R: pig poop HAHAHAHAHAH did she just say that
R: oh man this show
R: they go there
O: shocker, he's taking her to a restaurant in san francisco
O: i bet he orders the sausage
(Stubbly Rebellious Teacher/Coach Guy asks Kelly on a date and she tells him she needs to find a babysitter)
O: bah, i've had that exact conversation before, its never fun
R: lol
O: ". . . so how old is he/she" . . . awkward
R: ill take ur word
O: my god, that's brenda walsh's music!!
O: i wonder if this prank is going to backfire somehow
O: nah, i'm sure its foolproof
O: druggie actress girl has nice t's
R: she does
R: came out of nowhere
R: DHSTs
R: druggie
O: indeed
O: oh my god, the outcast girl and the popular girl used to be best friends!
O: and then they had a falling out!
O: that almost never happens!
R: is this show still on?
O: two hours is definitely too much
R: worst movie ever
(Darcy gets busted)
O: why would she keep a matchbook in her pocket
O: why would she even take a matchbook? i would think becky would be more upset about the possibility she was smoking. she could've gotten those matches from anywhere
O: but there i go looking for logic out of soap opera parents
R: stubbly beard guy was shocked that brenda was back on the show
R: it would have been great if he was like "i loved you on that show"
O: or if he said "brenda?" and then she called him an asshole and punched him
O: no texting? is that even a real punishment?
R: aint kansas no more
O: how do you stop a kid from texting without taking away his phone?
R: who is tracy?
R: aunt becky sex
R: careful she is prone to having twins
O: tracy is the 35 year old chicks mom who he had a kid with when they were in high school
R: and the love triangles begin
O: that was 100% intense
O: i still think that kid's gay
O: he probably has a thing for darcy's brother and he's just using her to get close to him
R: that was so intense i cant even go to sleep
O: we should do this for every episode
R: it would make it more entertaining
R: "teen suicide rates drop slightly, but still high"
R: 90210 already having a positive impact. Teens are killing themselves less ever since 90210 came back
R: i should do PR for this show
O: there you go
O: perhaps its the fact that they cast a 21 yr old who looks 35 to play a teenager
O: makes them feel better about themselves

So there you go indeed. Will Rick and I make it back to live blog every episode of this show? Or will we do it for maybe two weeks and then let it fizzle out like everything else we do? Only time will tell.