There's No Expiration Date on Crazy

So I'm at work today minding my own business and walking my route when I get a phone call. Its a ringtone I haven't heard in a while, one I forgot I even downloaded, "Ex-Girlfriend" by No Doubt. That would be Big Red's ringtone.

I haven't really mentioned Big Red in this space, though she's given me plenty of material. We dated for about three months, and other than this chick, she's easily the craziest girl I've ever dated. I plan on saving all the details for a rather lengthy post, or possibly a book some day, as that's how good they are. Despite the fact that we only dated for three months, and broke up in February, I still get texts from her every now and then, even though we've been broken up for longer than we ever went out. But a phone call was something new. Of course I let the voicemail pick up. Not surprisingly, she left a message. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting to hear what kind of craziness was contained in the voicemail, so I listened to it immediately when I got back to the truck. The following is the message, left in the most serious of tones:

"Hi Dan, its (Big Red). I know I haven't spoken to you in a while, I hope all is well, um can you call me back its really kind of important, I need to ask you something. I'd really appreciate it, um, its kind of really important. Thank you very much and talk to you later bye."

My first thought is that she was calling to tell me she had some sort of STD and that I needed to get tested immediately. See, in addition to being batshit crazy, Big Red is also a big whore (crazy AND a whore??? Shocking, I know). So I stupidly called her back. The following is a pretty accurate recollection of the conversation that took place:

Big Red: "Hi"
Ostrowe: "Hello"
BR: "Its (Big Red)"
O: "I know. What do you want?"
BR: (getting progressively closer to tears as she rambles on) "I'm sure you're at work or whatever, and I don't want to bother you, but I don't know if I did anything to bother you to the point where you would leave a letter at my dad's house, who I haven't spoken to in 25 years (This is a blatant lie - O) telling him everything I've been doing, who I've been dating, and where I'm working -"
O: "I don't know where your dad lives."
BR: "Ok. That's what I thought but it goes into detail and mentions you by name -"
O: "Whoa, whoa. What does it say about me?"
BR: "It says that you broke up with me when you found out what a fake and phony I was"
O: " . . . ok."
BR: "The only reason I thought it might be you is because it goes into a lot of detail about TTC and its really well written."
O: "Well what does it say about TTC?"
BR: "That I pissed off my bosses and I was afraid to go back to work so I just left and it mentions them by name."
O: "Well, you do have a habit of pissing people off."
BR: "What do you mean?"
O: "You tend to rub people the wrong way. You've made a lot of enemies in your day."
BR: "What are you talking about? I have a ton of friends, everyone likes me."
O: " . . . Ok."
BR: "Well I thank you for your honesty but since you're at work, I'll let you go. Bye."

I'm not sure what the psychological classification for insanity is, but I like to think a good example of it would be complete and utter ignorance of the truth. This girl honestly believes that everyone loves her, and they all want to be her friend. In her eyes, she can do no wrong. I had forgotten about this in the months since we'd broken up. I mean, I knew she was crazy, but I had forgotten the true lengths to which her craziness extended.

I'm not sure what the reasoning behind my deciding to post this was, other than as a cautionary tale I suppose. There are a lot of crazy people out there, but a lot of them can be helped with the proper therapy and/or medication. But those that are beyond hope are best to be avoided at all costs. A wise man once said "You can fuck crazy, just don't ever date crazy." Advice for all to heed.