So, after last year's ill-fated attempt to follow along online on a pirated site, I actually bit the bullet this year and ordered the grandaddy of them all on pay-per-view. Did the fact that I've been bedridden for the past week with the flu have anything to do with this? Yes. Yes it did. But at least I'm getting a running diary out of it.
650pm - The grandaddy is officially ordered! There's $55 I'm never getting back.
653 - The Undertaker's opponent this year, and the latest to attempt to break his Wrestlemania undefeated streak is none other than The Game, Triple H. Which of course means that everyone has to pretend that one of the previous victims of the Undertaker's streak is none other than The Game, Triple H.
655 - Preshow guy: "Two of the greats are finally going to meet at Wrestlemania!" . . . just like they did ten years ago, at Wrestlemania 17.
700 - Keri Hilson sings America the Beautiful to open up the show, or as Rick put it, "Pretty America Rock." She is a classic two face, but she's looking good tonight.
703 - After Hilson we get a Tonight show-esque intro - "Live, from Atlanta, its Wrestlemania 27, with your host, The Rock!" I'm digging it.
706 - The Rock comes out wearing a track suit from the Tony Soprano collection. At least I'm getting my money's worth out front.
709 - There's a small "Cena sucks" chant breaking out, as he's been feuding with the Rock leading into the show, followed by Rock saying, "When The Rock says 'wrestle', you say 'mania'". I say "ghey".
711 - The Rock is legitimately pumped to be back; he just referred to his water bottle as "the People's water"
715 - Wait, now we're getting the highlight package from years past to signify the start of the show? What the hell was the past 15 minutes?
717 - Play by play man Michael Cole: "This is the fabric of Americana." And hyperbole, apparently.
718 - Holy shit, the World Championship match is opening the show? Guess that goes to show the Smackdown guys how highly they're thought of.
719 - The challenger, Alberto Del Rio, is this year's Royal Rumble winner. He's also a full on rapist. Philanthropist, sorry.
722 - Don't be alarmed, but there is a giant glowing Edge cube floating over the middle of the ring. I'm 90% sure its not a fever hallucination.
726 - I don't really have anything to say about this match, other than it wouldn't surprise me to see Christian turn on Edge here.
727 - Del Rio's bodyguard has his name on the front of his shit. I'm guessing there's not a huge demand on that item at the merchandise stands.
731 - A Del Rio chant breaks out. Apparently there's a huge Mexican population in Atlanta that I was unaware of.
735 - Edge wins! That was actually a great match. I suppose that's why they had it open the show.
738 - Edge and Christian destroy Del Rio's Rolls Royce with a crowbar and lead pipe after the match. What poor sports.
743 - Cody Rhodes, son of Dusty, vs. Rey Mysterio Jr., son of Rey Mysterio Sr. is the next matchup.
744 - Rey comes out dressed as Captain America, but with elements of his Mexican heritage incorporated. Does that make him Captain New Mexico?
745 - Rey starts off with the cheapshot before the bell. Crafty Mexicans.
747 - Cody Rhodes is working the "protective body part cover secretly used as a weapon" angle to perfection with his protective face mask.
750 - An impressive superplex from Rhodes gets a nice "Cody" chant from the crowd. I guess Atlanta is trying to take the "cheering for the bad guy" title away from MSG tonight.
756 - I rarely watch wrestling, yet every one of Mysterio's matches I've seen over the past 10 years have been exactly the same. This is putting me to sleep.
757 - Cody Rhodes wins. Whatever.
759 - The Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler commentator feud is annoying as hell to listen to. It gets broken up by an AWFUL sketch involving Snoop and Teddy Long, the only saving grace of which was some rando singing "Friday" followed by Roddy Piper coming in out of nowhere and smashing him over the head with a coconut.
803 - The sketch finally ends with Hornswoggle rapping. That was just awful. It leads into an 8 man tag match with the Corre (bad guys) vs. Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi Kingston.
805 - Santino barely comes up to Kane and Big Show's chests.
806 - Cole calls Corre member Heath Slater "the one man rock band" on commentary. Ok.
807 - The match degenerates into a brawl, and ends less than a minute later. That match got less time than that awful Snoop sketch.
810 - We cut to the Rock backstage hitting on some random chick who is apparently Divas champion, which segways into a Mae Young bit. Apparently tonight's Wrestlemania was written by Bruce Vilanch.
812 - A Stone Cold appearance isn't even enough to save that sketch.
815 - The next match still hasn't started. Good thing they only gave the 8 man tag match 90 seconds so we could make sure all this filler gets in.
817 - If I followed wrestling regularly, either CM Punk or Randy Orton would probably be my favorite guy. They are wrestling each other here.
819 - The 3D hover cube is back, and its really freaking me out.
824 - I don't know how Punk wrestles with a lip ring in. I almost lost a finger delivering mail with a regular ring on.
827 - Punk goes old school with the Bret Hart Figure 4 around the ringpost, working on Orton's injured leg.
834 - Punk blocks Orton's finisher, the RKO, then jumps off the top rope into one for the loss. I know it seems like I didn't write much about that match, and that would be because it was incredibly slow and boring.
837 - Now we get a Pee Wee Herman sketch. Are you fucking kidding me?
840 - That's followed by the introduction of this year's Hall of Fame class. Abdullah the Butcher can't walk without a cane, Sunny looks damn good for a coke whore 15 years past her prime, Hacksaw Jim Duggan's 2x4 has a bowtie on, and HBK gets a separate introduction from everyone else.
846 - Booker T and Good Ol' JR come out to call the Cole vs. Lawler match. I think there's only 4 matches left. 5 assuming they still have the US title match between Sheamus and Daniel Bryan, which probably should've opened the show.
847 - Cole is wearing an orange wrestling outfit, headgear included, and talks himself to the ring in lieu of entrance music.
851 - Stone Cold rides out on an ATV to referee the match, almost running over Cole's manager Jack Swagger in the process.
853 - Michael Cole has more tattoos than I do. That is a situation that needs to be remedied.
859 - Swagger interferes on Cole's behalf.
Booker T:"I thought this was gonna be a one on one match!"
Josh Matthews:"You did?"
903 - I can't believe this match has gone on ten times longer than the 8 man tag match.
905 - There is a guy in the front row wearing an old school Pete Maravich Hawks jersey. I am jealous.
906 - Stunner! to Jack Swagger. Booker T:"That's my dawg!!"
909 - Swagger cradles Cole in his arms like a newborn as he carries him to the back.
910 - Booker T gets in the ring to celebrate Lawler's victory with a Spineroonie and eats a Stunner! as a result.
913 - An email from the anonymous Raw General Manager disqualifies Lawler due to Stone Cold's interference and gives Cole the win. Reading said email earns Josh Matthews a Stunner! for his troubles and leaves us with JR and Lawler announcing the rest of the show.
918 - Undertaker vs. Triple H is next. I wonder if the US title match got bounced off the show.
921 - The Undertaker debuted in the WWF 20.5 years ago. I can still remember watching the scrambled PPV when it happened. My 8 year old self would be very impressed with the fact that I can now afford to actually pay to watch the PPVs unscrambled.
922 - "For Whom the Bell Tolls" starts playing. Fucking awesome.
924 - Triple H with the entrance of the night so far. Guys in shields and viking outfits formed a phalanx at the top of the stage, parting to show him dressed as Hunter the Barbarian, as Metallica segwayed into his regular entrance music.
926 - 4 minutes for Triple H's entrance. The combined entrances might be longer than the actual match here.
927 - Undertaker's entrance starts, as he sllllllllooooooooowwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyy makes his way down to the ring to Johnny Cash's "Ain't No Grave Can Hold My Body Down." Excellent choice.
931 - 4 minutes for Taker's entrance. The match still hasn't started yet though.
932 - And the match finally gets under way.
933 - Undertaker dismantles the Spanish announce table, but Triple H comes to and spears him through Michael Cole's protective cubicle, which Undertaker no sells.
936 - Undertaker backdrops Triple H off the announce table to the floor. Doesn't sound that bad till you realize Taker is a legit 6'10, and the announce table is at least 4 feet off the floor. Ouch.
938 - Undertaker with the suicide dive over the top rope. I'm amazed the guy can even still walk, let alone pull that off.
940 - Undertaker goes running at Triple H who turns that into a spinebuster through the Spanish announce table. Vaya con dios!
946 - The crowd breaks out into dueling "Un-der-tak-er!" and "Triple H!" chants
951 - The past ten minutes of this match have basically been finisher-kickout-rest-finisher-kickout-rest.
953 - JR just nominated the steel chair in this match for the Hall of Fame.
958 - Triple H hits the tombstone on the Undertaker after 3 pedigrees and 10 chairshots and the Undertaker still kicks out.
959 - Triple H grabs the sledgehammer from under the ring.
1001 - Undertaker counters the sledgehammer into the "Hell's Gate"(?) chokehold and Triple H taps out after 2 solid minutes.
1006 - They still haven't left the ring. We have less than an hour of pay per view left for 3 matches.
1009 - The Undertaker gets a stretcher to take him back to the locker room.
1011 - The 6 person tag match is next, with John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler and LayCool. I'm betting the US title match doesn't happen.
1015 - I like how they announce Snooki as being from "Jersey Shore". Not "the Jersey Shore", just "Jersey Shore". She's from Poughkeepsie, btw. JR just complimented her on her low center of gravity.
1017 - Lawler:"When you're as pretty as Michelle is you don't like to be dropped on your face"
JR:"When you're as ugly as I am you don't like to be dropped on your face either"
1018 - Morrison with a holy shit corkscrew moonsault off the top rope to the floor. The Prince of Parkour lives up to his name.
1019 - Speaking of holy shit, after wrestling the whole match, Trish Stratus tagged in Snooki, who did a cartwheel into a backspring and pinned . . . one of the hot chicks. I haven't seen a fat person with moves like that since Chris Farley died.
1024 - Looks like the US title match got bumped to the preshow as the crew is setting up for the Miz vs. John Cena main event. Dagger.
1025 - The Miz gets an intro video set to "Hate Me Now" by Nas that is fittingly awesome. I really hope he wins this match.
1028 - Cena gets a gospel choir singing the opening to his intro, followed by DMX claiming "This is why we pray." I really hope Miz wins this match.
1035 - The match finally begins. I really hope Miz wins.
1038 - Pete Maravich switched to a Cavs jersey with #23 covered up in black tape for the main event. I guess he's a Miz fan.
1041 - Cena's arms are gigantic. He makes Miz look like a high school kid.
1045 - God, this match is boring.
1047 - Down goes the ref. Miz's protege Alex Riley hits Cena with a briefcase but still the ref only counts to 2 when he regains consciousness.
1050 - Cena and Miz fight out into the crowd and we get a double count out.
1053 - The Rock comes out and declares there must be a winner, so the match resumes under no DQ rules.
1055 - Rock with the Rockbottom to Cena and Miz wins!
1057 - The Rock hits the people's elbow on Miz to end the show in seriously rushed fashion.
Like I said, I rarely watch wrestling anymore, and this show won't do anything to change that. I get that Rock is one of the all time greats, but I really question ending the show with him standing tall over your champion and the number one draw when you have no idea if he's gonna stick around or not. Other than that, Undertaker/Triple H and Edge/Del Rio were probably the only high points of the show. Maybe I'm just getting too old for this stuff. I guess we'll find out next year.
Monday, April 04, 2011
iTunes report - 2 years and 1 computer later
Number of Songs: 4,509
Duration of Library: 12.1 Days
Most Recently Played Song: “Call Me" - Blondie
Most Played Song: "Black Sheep" - Metric
Most Recently Added Album: Endgame - Rise Against
First Song Alphabetically: “A-Punk" - Vampire Weekend
Last Song Alphabetically: “The Zoo" - Bruce Dickinson
Smallest Song Numerically: “#1" - Nelly
Largest Song Numerically: “10001110101" - Clutch
Shortest Song: "Bah, I'd Like to Speak to a Representative" - Jurgen (0:08)
Longest Song: “Crazy Game of Poker (live)" - O.A.R. (17:21)
First Album Alphabetically: Absolute Power - Tech9ne
Last Album Alphabetically: Zoolander Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
First Band Alphabetically: A-ha
Last Band Alphabetically: ZZ Top
Smallest Band Numerically: .38 Special
Largest Band Numerically: 10,000 Maniacs
Duration of Library: 12.1 Days
Most Recently Played Song: “Call Me" - Blondie
Most Played Song: "Black Sheep" - Metric
Most Recently Added Album: Endgame - Rise Against
First Song Alphabetically: “A-Punk" - Vampire Weekend
Last Song Alphabetically: “The Zoo" - Bruce Dickinson
Smallest Song Numerically: “#1" - Nelly
Largest Song Numerically: “10001110101" - Clutch
Shortest Song: "Bah, I'd Like to Speak to a Representative" - Jurgen (0:08)
Longest Song: “Crazy Game of Poker (live)" - O.A.R. (17:21)
First Album Alphabetically: Absolute Power - Tech9ne
Last Album Alphabetically: Zoolander Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
First Band Alphabetically: A-ha
Last Band Alphabetically: ZZ Top
Smallest Band Numerically: .38 Special
Largest Band Numerically: 10,000 Maniacs
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Grammys Live Blog
Bit of a last minute deal, but we are long overdue for one of these. So here goes nothing:
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wrestle March Mania Madness
As those of you who follow this site know, the WrestleMania Running Diary has been a tradition dating back to the site's early days. The past few years, I've watched at BWW, since it is much less expensive than ordering it myself. Now however, thanks to the advancement of technology, it is (theoretically) possible to watch online, thanks to the help of Channelsurfing.net. So in place of the WrestleMania Running Diary, I give you the WrestleMania/March Madness live blog. Please to enjoy:
Code Beth
Those of us who enjoy alcohol can, on occasion, go a little overboard. Sometimes we manage to take control of the situation and end the night without incident. Then there are occasions when other urges take over, and we wind up hooking up with a less than attractive chick. If you go out to bars its happened to you at one time or another. And its happened to some of us so many times, we actually have a name for it.
One such occasion took place after last year's booze cruise. We all stumbled into Landsdowne afterwards, which happened to be filled with chicks on this night for some reason. Much of what took place was a haze, but I seem to remember that they were all really into us. One girl, Beth, seemed to be really into Mar in particular. This despite the fact that their conversation consisted entirely of him saying "How's Abby?" over and over again. She got really upset when Mar left to "talk" to another chick at the bar, and decided to chat with me instead.
Even as drunk as I was I could see where this was going to go. She was giving off "Fuck Me" vibes so bad even Helen Keller could've picked them up. This chick was desperate to hook up. Since I'm a gentleman, I did my best to try and excuse myself from the conversation without hurting her feelings. This consisted of me yelling across the bar at Rick "We gotta go!" over and over again. It did not take her long to pick up on this, asking "Why do you keep telling him that?" I leaned in to tell her it was because I had to work early the next day, and the next thing I knew we were full on making out in the middle of the bar. Stupid alcohol.
Now, this girl was not horribly unattractive or anything, but I could definitely do better. So its unfortunate that this situation has to bear her name, but if it makes it easier to explain to my friends why we have to leave a bar and call it a night, then so be it.
One such occasion took place after last year's booze cruise. We all stumbled into Landsdowne afterwards, which happened to be filled with chicks on this night for some reason. Much of what took place was a haze, but I seem to remember that they were all really into us. One girl, Beth, seemed to be really into Mar in particular. This despite the fact that their conversation consisted entirely of him saying "How's Abby?" over and over again. She got really upset when Mar left to "talk" to another chick at the bar, and decided to chat with me instead.
Even as drunk as I was I could see where this was going to go. She was giving off "Fuck Me" vibes so bad even Helen Keller could've picked them up. This chick was desperate to hook up. Since I'm a gentleman, I did my best to try and excuse myself from the conversation without hurting her feelings. This consisted of me yelling across the bar at Rick "We gotta go!" over and over again. It did not take her long to pick up on this, asking "Why do you keep telling him that?" I leaned in to tell her it was because I had to work early the next day, and the next thing I knew we were full on making out in the middle of the bar. Stupid alcohol.
Now, this girl was not horribly unattractive or anything, but I could definitely do better. So its unfortunate that this situation has to bear her name, but if it makes it easier to explain to my friends why we have to leave a bar and call it a night, then so be it.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Rich Uncle JMac's Karaoke Birthday Extravaganza
2003 was the year myself and a number of my friends celebrated our 21st birthdays. If you've read any of the other stories on this site, then you can imagine what a disaster that must have been. Poppers was the first gentlemen to celebrate, and by all accounts it was a tremendous shitshow. So disasterous were the events that transpired, that all other birthdays were confined to much smaller groups with much less booze involved. I didn't make it to Poppers' birthday party.
Seven years later, we are much older, and in theory much wiser, yet our affinity for booze and shenanigans has not waned a bit. So when JMac declared his desire to have a karaoke party in the city for his birthday on Saturday February 13th, it was not something any gentleman wanted to pass up. First up was the matter of everyone getting into the city.
In an unplanned bit of fortuity, I had taken Friday and Saturday off to attend Sweetfiend's birthday party Friday night in Trenton. My plan was originally to drive into the city at some point on Saturday afternoon and park in a garage somewhere central to the evening's events. This changed once I realized the evening's events were scattered throughout the city, as the karaoke place was in the 40s, yet the evening would be starting at JMac's ladyfriend's in the 80s. I should point out that normally this would not be a problem, as Rick's apartment would have served as home base, however Rick is in Vancouver for the whole month working the Olympics. So I started looking around for alternate means of transportation.
As luck would have it Dmo was planning to attend a Maryland game watch at 1pm with Jim$ and Eddie O and their significant others. However since he wasn't planning to spend the night and I was, I needed to find another way to get home. Since I knew Joyce was heading in as well. I called him to see if he could drive me home Sunday.
This proved to be quite the exercise in uselessness, as Joyce was taking the train in Friday to meet up with his ladyfriend. After a twenty minute conversation in which I attempted to explain to him numerous times I had a ride in and did not need to take the train while all along he repeated, "Yeah, you should take the train in," I eventually decided I'd figure out how to get home when the time came. When I relayed the details of the conversation to Dmo, he figured it would make more sense for him to take the train, because that would mean he wouldn't have to stop boozing at any point to drive home. So we set up a tentative plan to take the 1019 from Pearl River to Penn Station, which would leave plenty of time to get to the game watch. Clearly, since plans and gentlemen go together like oil and sulfuric acid, this did not happen.
Sweetfiend's party was a great time, if more mellow than any gentlemanly gatherings. There were no chairshots, and no one went through any walls. Also, we only stayed up till 2 playing Rock Band, not 530. Still, this was late enough for me to not wake up in time to make the 1019, so I had to settle for the 1142 from Nanuet. This put me at Penn Station at 1230, leaving me plenty of time to walk the ten or so blocks to the bar where the game watch was taking place, The Hill on 30th and 3rd.
When I arrived at the bar, I was greeted by Dmo, who had a beverage waiting for me. I'm not sure how long everyone had been there at this point but the ladies were seated at a table right near the entrance that had at least two half full pitchers of beer on it. Trustey arrived shortly after the game started, with a girl that I described at the time as looking like she had been hit in the face with a frying pan. Looking back that description might have been too kind. Though in all fairness, she did have a great personality.
Shortly after Trustey showed up, in a moment of great prescience, I emailed the CoG: "This is going to get very ugly very quickly. I hope I can still stand up by the time karaoke comes around." Little did I know it was not me whose dexterity would be the problem.
The Maryland game started at 1, and as luck would have it Villanova was playing at 2. I texted Joyce to see where he was watching the game and it turned out he was only a few blocks away. I told him we would head over there after the MD game, as that was the plan at the time. However, things changed once Maryland finished getting their asses kicked.
The majority of the Maryland boosters filed out of the bar, yet Peg and Jenn were in no mood to leave. An already tipsy Ole Mel wanted to stick around and hang out with them, and since Dmo is a gentleman, he agreed to stay as well. I told Joyce to come meet us at the Hill, but since he is retarded he did not return my texts. Around this point Jim$ and Trustey disappeared to head over to McFadden's, and that's when things started to get really sloppy.
Peg decided to give the other two ladies lessons on how to chug. In theory, not such a bad idea, but in reality the numbers add up to a much different story. Peg is about 5'7 and can handle her booze. Neither Jenn or Ole Mel is more than 5'4 and they cannot. Within a matter of moments Jenn was stumbling around the bar and bumping into chairs. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself every time she went to sit down so at several points I literally had to pick her up and sit her in a chair. Peg finally realized that maybe she should not be drinking anymore and got her a pint of water, which Jenn proceeded to knock over while drunkenly flailing her arms around. Around then is when this conversation happened via GentleBBM:
Ostrowe: You know its a bad sign when Peg is the most sober female in the group
Dmo: No rumor
Jim$: Are u still there?
Do not let jenn drink anymore
Ostrowe: Yes
Peg has her chugging water
Dmo: Bah. Jenn loves the booze
Jim$: Dmo watch out for her
Ostrowe: Dmo is the one trying to get her to drink more beer
He's the Jim Nantz of instigators
Dmo: Lies
Jim$: I would be joyce for Jim Nantz
Ostrowe: Jim$ where are you
Jim$: I will be back shortly
looking at a bar
Ostrowe: Once again Joyce proves how goddamned useless he is by not answering his fucking phone
Rick: New years resolution
Ostrowe: I can't hurt him if i can't find him
Sometime in the middle of the above conversation, Ole Mel reached Parsippany stage, and randomly started bawling. Dmo was thrilled about this because it meant he got to take her home and didn't have to stick around for karaoke. Peg and Eddie O also decided to leave at this point but I convinced them to watch Jenn long enough for me to call Jim$ and have the following conversation:
Ostrowe: "Where the hell are you, everyone else is leaving"
Jim$: "I'm at McFadden's on 42nd and 2nd. You can either bring Jenn here and I will buy you drinks, or you can stay there and I will buy you drinks but it will take me about 20 minutes to get there."
Ostrowe: "She can't even stand up right now there's no way I'm going to be able to get her to walk 12 blocks."
Jim$: "I will be there in 20 minutes"
I went back in to tell this to Eddie O and Peg, which cause Eddie O to respond, "Jim$ 20 minutes could be about two hours." So I sent a status update to the gentlemen of GentleBBM:
"I'm slightly buzzed at the most. Dmo is on his way home with Ole Mel. Jenn can barely stand up. And Peg just fell over backwards in a chair. I have no idea how to get to beyonce's from here and Joyce is on his way to Asia. aka Kiwi's. So overall I would say its about what you would expect." (Ed. note - Beyonce is JMac's ladyfriend)
Peg and Eddie O thankfully stuck around until Jim$ returned with Trustey while we figured out what to do. At this point it was around 530, still a full 4.5 hours before JMac's party. I did not want to continue boozing, yet Jim$, Jenn and Trustey showed no signs of wanting to stop, and the drunker they got the more intent they were on making it to karaoke. Since I couldn't get a hold of Joyce and there was no way I was bringing a drunken entourage to Beyonce's apartment, when someone suggested going to Brother Jimmy's BBQ for dinner a few blocks away I jumped at the suggestion.
The walk over to Bro J's was interesting in and of itself, consisting of Jenn attempting to call all of her relatives while at the same time asking me if I've ever met her hot friend Heather, and also Trustey attempting to smash my head in with a block of ice he found on the sidewalk. It was to my dismay when we got to Brother Jimmy's that Jim$ completely bypassed the line for tables and walked up to the bar to order a fishbowl full of God knows what. That was the last thing this group needed. All I wanted to do was sit down and eat. Until I saw an extremely tall, very attractive chick wearing viking boots standing by the stairs. Trustey managed to facilitate a conversation with her, which was quickly ruined when Jim$ came over and dragged me to an empty table that was not ours. Eventually we managed to get a table for four, with a waitress and everything, even though Jenn kept getting up every 2 minutes because, "I wanna dance!!!!" Still, somehow Jim$ managed to get the waitress to take his order before anyone else got a chance to look at the menu.
The waitress managed to come back and get Trustey and my orders, and we put in for some fried pickle and fried tomato appetizers as well. It was around this time I received some disturbing news from Dmo, via BBM.
Dmo: Where u at?
Ostrowe: Brother jimmy's
Dmo: Okay. we're coming. I hate drunk chicks.
Ostrowe: Me too
Dmo: Bah. we r on our way back
I'm going to murder ole mel
Ostrowe: I'm going to murder everyone else so its all good
Dude I give up
Dmo: Bah. Me too
Ostrowe: I'm eating dinner and then going to beyonce's
Jenn just got up ffrom the table to go dance and trustey went with her
Once Dmo and Ole Mel arrived things predictably went from bad to worse. Ole Mel sat down with her makeup smeared all over her face from her crying and proceeded to eat Jim$ sandwich. Once the fried pickles arrived I tried to get Jenn to eat some so she would sober up but she took a bite out of one, grabbed it out of her mouth and threw it back in the basket because it was too hot. Jim$ disappeared and came back to the table with another fucking fishbowl. And Trustey kept getting yelled at by the waitstaff because we now had five people sitting at the table and his seat was blocking the aisle. Then Ole Mel went nuclear.
She started loudly mumbling over and over again, "He doesn't let me do anything. I'm not allowed to have any fun," while Trustey and I sat there incredulous. Then she started saying Dmo was a homosexual, and that he would rather have sex with me, Jim$ and Trustey than her. I tried to explain to her, "I think you're wrong. He would rather have sex with you, but he would rather hang out with me, Jim$ and Trustey and I don't blame him," but I might as well have been speaking Spanish to her at this point. Convinced that Dmo was a raging asshole despite everyone else telling her the opposite, Ole Mel decided to get up and storm out of the restaurant. No one bothered to stop her, though after ten minutes of internal debate Trustey decided to go out looking for her. He came back alone.
Around this point the bouncer came over to our table and told us we had to calm down, as Brother Jimmy's is a family establishment and there were kids sitting at the next table. I took this as a sign that it was time to get the check. When Jim$ realized this he screamed at me in horror, and once I tried to pay, he yanked the check out of my hand and decided to pay it all himself. While this was going on I came up with the brilliant plan to try and round everyone up and get them to the karaoke place early, so they would all be spent by the time JMac's party, which was still 3 hours away at this point rolled around. Again, great in theory, but poor in execution. I have to give much credit to Rick here, as I have no idea how he has the patience to round everyone up when we're like this. Granted, the fact that I had also been drinking all day let to my shortness, but I eventually got fed up and peaced out, sprinting a block and a half away and jumping in a cab to Beyonce's. I figured things would be in better shape there, little did I know I was stepping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I got out of the cab and was greeted by a chorus of cheers from Beyonce's second floor window, as the gang was all there and ready to party. As interesting as my day was, Joyce's was moreso. Needless to say, he was no longer with the ladyfriend, and was drinking with a purpose. Not long after I arrived we all filed into cabs and headed back to the very same Brother Jimmy's I had just left to pregame before karaoke. Luckily Jim$ and crew had vacated the premises, heading to the karaoke place early as I had planned. The only difference is they went to the wrong karaoke place. Jim$ was very concerned about being tardy to the party, but they actually never made it, which is probably best for everyone involved.
After my cab, consisting of me, Jesse and JChode, took a detour to the wrong Brother Jimmy's, we got about 2 minutes of pregaming in before we had to go. Which was great seeing as everyone had just ordered drinks. Beyonce's roommate, GatorBaiter, had a great remedy, which consisted of passing drinks back and forth between her, myself and Joyce. So we hastily made our way to Karaoke Duets on 48th and 2nd. Everything was going quite well up to this point.
From the minute we got there Rich Uncle JMac did not set down the microphone. We dueted on both "White Houses" and "I Want It That Way", video of which you can see right here.
Karaoke itself was basically a controlled chaos, at least moreso than the post game watch fiasco. Joyce was in rare form, breaking out all manner of pushups, dance and otherwise. My favorite was when he balanced himself on three of the ottomans and did them that way. GatorBaiter must've enjoyed it as well, as she was quite receptive to the little guy's attempts to get over his recent discomfiture.
Unfortunately for the LG, the days events had spiraled into a Perfect Situation, and mere moments after the above picture was taken, he was slumped over on the couch with his head in his hands. When I went over to check on him, all he could say was "I dont feel good, iwannagohome." I carried him outside to get some fresh air, and he tried throwing up, but nothing was coming out. I managed to get him into the bathroom in an attempt to clean up, but he just locked himself in the stall and only agreed to come out 10 minutes later after Murph, Rick's ladyfriend and I brought him back outside for more air. Amidst his declaring his desire to go home, he did manage to ask for his jacket, and I slipped the bouncer $20 to look after him so we could go back inside.
Once we got back in, we had to convince GatorBaiter not to go out and check on him, as that probably would have ruined whatever shot he had left. So everything was going well until a couple of songs later, when one of the karaoke people came in and told me, "Your friend is-a reaving," at which point I looked at Murph and said, "Your turn," and he left to go look for him. We found out the next morning that he found him in the back of a cab on the way to Beyonce's, which I guess was the home he was looking for. GatorBaiter left shortly after, allegedly to let them in but speculation was rampant that she was winded and just wanted to go home.
The rest of the night was uneventful, save for JChode's awful rap skills, and the end of the night, when Beyonce practically had to drag everyone out of the room. I was supposed to leave with Rick's ladyfriend, but my phone was died, so I decided to head back with Beyonce. First there was the little matter of paying the bill, which after several hours at $8.50 per person came to a whopping total of $529.86. Now, this would not have been so bad had people left the right amount of money when they left, but of course this was not the case. I threw down $100, several others gave what they could, and Beyonce threw the rest on her credit card. I hopped in a cab with the two of them and headed back to her place to call it a night.
This posed a problem, as when we got back, Murph and Joyce were passed out on the air mattress in the living room, and Beyonce and GatorBaiter's mormon roommate had a rando friend sleeping on the couch. So I got to sleep on the hardwood floor next to the ancient radiator, but not before I heard JMac exclaim from Beyonce's room in the gravest of tones, "Oh no! I spilled water on the bed! Beyonce's gonna hate me!"
The night's sleep was what you would expect, as I woke up every hour with shooting pains in my hip and had to switch sides so the pain was evenly distributed. The highlight took place around 6am when Joyce bolted upright from the air mattress panicked as all hell and yelled "Where the hell am I??" before I told him to calm the fuck down, we were at Beyonce's, and he proceeded to do his best imitation of A-ha's video for "Take On Me" walking down the hallway to the bathroom.
We woke for good at 9, and Joyce and I took off to retrieve his stuff from his now former ladyfriend's. After we returned, we all went out to breakfast, save for JMac, who may as well have been on my couch for the shape he was in, and the Mormon roommate and his rando friend, who went off to church to likely bathe in holy water after spending the night sharing the apartment with the likes of us.
Breakfast was quite gentleman and womanly, as we discussed the merits of jelly vs. marmalade, Beyonce worried that the rando on the couch was a potential Daryl, and we learned about the history of Challah bread from GatorBaiter.
Joyce: "What's Challah bread?"
Waitress: "Its like a thick white bread."
GatorBaitor: "You wouldn't make a very good Jewish boy"
Ostrowe: "How are we supposed to know that, there's no one Jewish at this table."
GatorBaitor: "I am."
Ostrowe: "What? No you're not, there's no Jewish people in the South."
From here we went to a discussion of bar and bat mitzvahs, as we tried to explain to GatorBaiter the nature of Rockland, at which point our waitress overheard and joined the discussion, as she was a New City native. I must confess that I knew this when I saw her, as I recognized her from my long ago days at Deer Mountain Day Camp. She had a face that was pretty hard to forget, in much the same way I would imagine it would be hard to forget seeing a shotgun wound to the neck in person.
After breakfast Joyce and I departed for Rockland, wisely passing up the 1pm Rangers game at the Garden and taking the train to Nanuet via SEA caucus. We put the exclamation point on the weekend's events with a trip to White Castle, and the subsequent rush to get to my house before I vomited White Castle all over the little guy's car. Though the year is still young, I cannot possibly imagine this weekend being topped. But I'm sure that won't stop us from trying. I think this picture of a pensive Joyce sums up everything.
May the God bless you all, forever.
Seven years later, we are much older, and in theory much wiser, yet our affinity for booze and shenanigans has not waned a bit. So when JMac declared his desire to have a karaoke party in the city for his birthday on Saturday February 13th, it was not something any gentleman wanted to pass up. First up was the matter of everyone getting into the city.
In an unplanned bit of fortuity, I had taken Friday and Saturday off to attend Sweetfiend's birthday party Friday night in Trenton. My plan was originally to drive into the city at some point on Saturday afternoon and park in a garage somewhere central to the evening's events. This changed once I realized the evening's events were scattered throughout the city, as the karaoke place was in the 40s, yet the evening would be starting at JMac's ladyfriend's in the 80s. I should point out that normally this would not be a problem, as Rick's apartment would have served as home base, however Rick is in Vancouver for the whole month working the Olympics. So I started looking around for alternate means of transportation.
As luck would have it Dmo was planning to attend a Maryland game watch at 1pm with Jim$ and Eddie O and their significant others. However since he wasn't planning to spend the night and I was, I needed to find another way to get home. Since I knew Joyce was heading in as well. I called him to see if he could drive me home Sunday.
This proved to be quite the exercise in uselessness, as Joyce was taking the train in Friday to meet up with his ladyfriend. After a twenty minute conversation in which I attempted to explain to him numerous times I had a ride in and did not need to take the train while all along he repeated, "Yeah, you should take the train in," I eventually decided I'd figure out how to get home when the time came. When I relayed the details of the conversation to Dmo, he figured it would make more sense for him to take the train, because that would mean he wouldn't have to stop boozing at any point to drive home. So we set up a tentative plan to take the 1019 from Pearl River to Penn Station, which would leave plenty of time to get to the game watch. Clearly, since plans and gentlemen go together like oil and sulfuric acid, this did not happen.
Sweetfiend's party was a great time, if more mellow than any gentlemanly gatherings. There were no chairshots, and no one went through any walls. Also, we only stayed up till 2 playing Rock Band, not 530. Still, this was late enough for me to not wake up in time to make the 1019, so I had to settle for the 1142 from Nanuet. This put me at Penn Station at 1230, leaving me plenty of time to walk the ten or so blocks to the bar where the game watch was taking place, The Hill on 30th and 3rd.
When I arrived at the bar, I was greeted by Dmo, who had a beverage waiting for me. I'm not sure how long everyone had been there at this point but the ladies were seated at a table right near the entrance that had at least two half full pitchers of beer on it. Trustey arrived shortly after the game started, with a girl that I described at the time as looking like she had been hit in the face with a frying pan. Looking back that description might have been too kind. Though in all fairness, she did have a great personality.
Shortly after Trustey showed up, in a moment of great prescience, I emailed the CoG: "This is going to get very ugly very quickly. I hope I can still stand up by the time karaoke comes around." Little did I know it was not me whose dexterity would be the problem.
The Maryland game started at 1, and as luck would have it Villanova was playing at 2. I texted Joyce to see where he was watching the game and it turned out he was only a few blocks away. I told him we would head over there after the MD game, as that was the plan at the time. However, things changed once Maryland finished getting their asses kicked.
The majority of the Maryland boosters filed out of the bar, yet Peg and Jenn were in no mood to leave. An already tipsy Ole Mel wanted to stick around and hang out with them, and since Dmo is a gentleman, he agreed to stay as well. I told Joyce to come meet us at the Hill, but since he is retarded he did not return my texts. Around this point Jim$ and Trustey disappeared to head over to McFadden's, and that's when things started to get really sloppy.
Peg decided to give the other two ladies lessons on how to chug. In theory, not such a bad idea, but in reality the numbers add up to a much different story. Peg is about 5'7 and can handle her booze. Neither Jenn or Ole Mel is more than 5'4 and they cannot. Within a matter of moments Jenn was stumbling around the bar and bumping into chairs. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself every time she went to sit down so at several points I literally had to pick her up and sit her in a chair. Peg finally realized that maybe she should not be drinking anymore and got her a pint of water, which Jenn proceeded to knock over while drunkenly flailing her arms around. Around then is when this conversation happened via GentleBBM:
Ostrowe: You know its a bad sign when Peg is the most sober female in the group
Dmo: No rumor
Jim$: Are u still there?
Do not let jenn drink anymore
Ostrowe: Yes
Peg has her chugging water
Dmo: Bah. Jenn loves the booze
Jim$: Dmo watch out for her
Ostrowe: Dmo is the one trying to get her to drink more beer
He's the Jim Nantz of instigators
Dmo: Lies
Jim$: I would be joyce for Jim Nantz
Ostrowe: Jim$ where are you
Jim$: I will be back shortly
looking at a bar
Ostrowe: Once again Joyce proves how goddamned useless he is by not answering his fucking phone
Rick: New years resolution
Ostrowe: I can't hurt him if i can't find him
Sometime in the middle of the above conversation, Ole Mel reached Parsippany stage, and randomly started bawling. Dmo was thrilled about this because it meant he got to take her home and didn't have to stick around for karaoke. Peg and Eddie O also decided to leave at this point but I convinced them to watch Jenn long enough for me to call Jim$ and have the following conversation:
Ostrowe: "Where the hell are you, everyone else is leaving"
Jim$: "I'm at McFadden's on 42nd and 2nd. You can either bring Jenn here and I will buy you drinks, or you can stay there and I will buy you drinks but it will take me about 20 minutes to get there."
Ostrowe: "She can't even stand up right now there's no way I'm going to be able to get her to walk 12 blocks."
Jim$: "I will be there in 20 minutes"
I went back in to tell this to Eddie O and Peg, which cause Eddie O to respond, "Jim$ 20 minutes could be about two hours." So I sent a status update to the gentlemen of GentleBBM:
"I'm slightly buzzed at the most. Dmo is on his way home with Ole Mel. Jenn can barely stand up. And Peg just fell over backwards in a chair. I have no idea how to get to beyonce's from here and Joyce is on his way to Asia. aka Kiwi's. So overall I would say its about what you would expect." (Ed. note - Beyonce is JMac's ladyfriend)
Peg and Eddie O thankfully stuck around until Jim$ returned with Trustey while we figured out what to do. At this point it was around 530, still a full 4.5 hours before JMac's party. I did not want to continue boozing, yet Jim$, Jenn and Trustey showed no signs of wanting to stop, and the drunker they got the more intent they were on making it to karaoke. Since I couldn't get a hold of Joyce and there was no way I was bringing a drunken entourage to Beyonce's apartment, when someone suggested going to Brother Jimmy's BBQ for dinner a few blocks away I jumped at the suggestion.
The walk over to Bro J's was interesting in and of itself, consisting of Jenn attempting to call all of her relatives while at the same time asking me if I've ever met her hot friend Heather, and also Trustey attempting to smash my head in with a block of ice he found on the sidewalk. It was to my dismay when we got to Brother Jimmy's that Jim$ completely bypassed the line for tables and walked up to the bar to order a fishbowl full of God knows what. That was the last thing this group needed. All I wanted to do was sit down and eat. Until I saw an extremely tall, very attractive chick wearing viking boots standing by the stairs. Trustey managed to facilitate a conversation with her, which was quickly ruined when Jim$ came over and dragged me to an empty table that was not ours. Eventually we managed to get a table for four, with a waitress and everything, even though Jenn kept getting up every 2 minutes because, "I wanna dance!!!!" Still, somehow Jim$ managed to get the waitress to take his order before anyone else got a chance to look at the menu.
The waitress managed to come back and get Trustey and my orders, and we put in for some fried pickle and fried tomato appetizers as well. It was around this time I received some disturbing news from Dmo, via BBM.
Dmo: Where u at?
Ostrowe: Brother jimmy's
Dmo: Okay. we're coming. I hate drunk chicks.
Ostrowe: Me too
Dmo: Bah. we r on our way back
I'm going to murder ole mel
Ostrowe: I'm going to murder everyone else so its all good
Dude I give up
Dmo: Bah. Me too
Ostrowe: I'm eating dinner and then going to beyonce's
Jenn just got up ffrom the table to go dance and trustey went with her
Once Dmo and Ole Mel arrived things predictably went from bad to worse. Ole Mel sat down with her makeup smeared all over her face from her crying and proceeded to eat Jim$ sandwich. Once the fried pickles arrived I tried to get Jenn to eat some so she would sober up but she took a bite out of one, grabbed it out of her mouth and threw it back in the basket because it was too hot. Jim$ disappeared and came back to the table with another fucking fishbowl. And Trustey kept getting yelled at by the waitstaff because we now had five people sitting at the table and his seat was blocking the aisle. Then Ole Mel went nuclear.
She started loudly mumbling over and over again, "He doesn't let me do anything. I'm not allowed to have any fun," while Trustey and I sat there incredulous. Then she started saying Dmo was a homosexual, and that he would rather have sex with me, Jim$ and Trustey than her. I tried to explain to her, "I think you're wrong. He would rather have sex with you, but he would rather hang out with me, Jim$ and Trustey and I don't blame him," but I might as well have been speaking Spanish to her at this point. Convinced that Dmo was a raging asshole despite everyone else telling her the opposite, Ole Mel decided to get up and storm out of the restaurant. No one bothered to stop her, though after ten minutes of internal debate Trustey decided to go out looking for her. He came back alone.
Around this point the bouncer came over to our table and told us we had to calm down, as Brother Jimmy's is a family establishment and there were kids sitting at the next table. I took this as a sign that it was time to get the check. When Jim$ realized this he screamed at me in horror, and once I tried to pay, he yanked the check out of my hand and decided to pay it all himself. While this was going on I came up with the brilliant plan to try and round everyone up and get them to the karaoke place early, so they would all be spent by the time JMac's party, which was still 3 hours away at this point rolled around. Again, great in theory, but poor in execution. I have to give much credit to Rick here, as I have no idea how he has the patience to round everyone up when we're like this. Granted, the fact that I had also been drinking all day let to my shortness, but I eventually got fed up and peaced out, sprinting a block and a half away and jumping in a cab to Beyonce's. I figured things would be in better shape there, little did I know I was stepping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I got out of the cab and was greeted by a chorus of cheers from Beyonce's second floor window, as the gang was all there and ready to party. As interesting as my day was, Joyce's was moreso. Needless to say, he was no longer with the ladyfriend, and was drinking with a purpose. Not long after I arrived we all filed into cabs and headed back to the very same Brother Jimmy's I had just left to pregame before karaoke. Luckily Jim$ and crew had vacated the premises, heading to the karaoke place early as I had planned. The only difference is they went to the wrong karaoke place. Jim$ was very concerned about being tardy to the party, but they actually never made it, which is probably best for everyone involved.
After my cab, consisting of me, Jesse and JChode, took a detour to the wrong Brother Jimmy's, we got about 2 minutes of pregaming in before we had to go. Which was great seeing as everyone had just ordered drinks. Beyonce's roommate, GatorBaiter, had a great remedy, which consisted of passing drinks back and forth between her, myself and Joyce. So we hastily made our way to Karaoke Duets on 48th and 2nd. Everything was going quite well up to this point.
From the minute we got there Rich Uncle JMac did not set down the microphone. We dueted on both "White Houses" and "I Want It That Way", video of which you can see right here.
Karaoke itself was basically a controlled chaos, at least moreso than the post game watch fiasco. Joyce was in rare form, breaking out all manner of pushups, dance and otherwise. My favorite was when he balanced himself on three of the ottomans and did them that way. GatorBaiter must've enjoyed it as well, as she was quite receptive to the little guy's attempts to get over his recent discomfiture.
Unfortunately for the LG, the days events had spiraled into a Perfect Situation, and mere moments after the above picture was taken, he was slumped over on the couch with his head in his hands. When I went over to check on him, all he could say was "I dont feel good, iwannagohome." I carried him outside to get some fresh air, and he tried throwing up, but nothing was coming out. I managed to get him into the bathroom in an attempt to clean up, but he just locked himself in the stall and only agreed to come out 10 minutes later after Murph, Rick's ladyfriend and I brought him back outside for more air. Amidst his declaring his desire to go home, he did manage to ask for his jacket, and I slipped the bouncer $20 to look after him so we could go back inside.
Once we got back in, we had to convince GatorBaiter not to go out and check on him, as that probably would have ruined whatever shot he had left. So everything was going well until a couple of songs later, when one of the karaoke people came in and told me, "Your friend is-a reaving," at which point I looked at Murph and said, "Your turn," and he left to go look for him. We found out the next morning that he found him in the back of a cab on the way to Beyonce's, which I guess was the home he was looking for. GatorBaiter left shortly after, allegedly to let them in but speculation was rampant that she was winded and just wanted to go home.
The rest of the night was uneventful, save for JChode's awful rap skills, and the end of the night, when Beyonce practically had to drag everyone out of the room. I was supposed to leave with Rick's ladyfriend, but my phone was died, so I decided to head back with Beyonce. First there was the little matter of paying the bill, which after several hours at $8.50 per person came to a whopping total of $529.86. Now, this would not have been so bad had people left the right amount of money when they left, but of course this was not the case. I threw down $100, several others gave what they could, and Beyonce threw the rest on her credit card. I hopped in a cab with the two of them and headed back to her place to call it a night.
This posed a problem, as when we got back, Murph and Joyce were passed out on the air mattress in the living room, and Beyonce and GatorBaiter's mormon roommate had a rando friend sleeping on the couch. So I got to sleep on the hardwood floor next to the ancient radiator, but not before I heard JMac exclaim from Beyonce's room in the gravest of tones, "Oh no! I spilled water on the bed! Beyonce's gonna hate me!"
The night's sleep was what you would expect, as I woke up every hour with shooting pains in my hip and had to switch sides so the pain was evenly distributed. The highlight took place around 6am when Joyce bolted upright from the air mattress panicked as all hell and yelled "Where the hell am I??" before I told him to calm the fuck down, we were at Beyonce's, and he proceeded to do his best imitation of A-ha's video for "Take On Me" walking down the hallway to the bathroom.
We woke for good at 9, and Joyce and I took off to retrieve his stuff from his now former ladyfriend's. After we returned, we all went out to breakfast, save for JMac, who may as well have been on my couch for the shape he was in, and the Mormon roommate and his rando friend, who went off to church to likely bathe in holy water after spending the night sharing the apartment with the likes of us.
Breakfast was quite gentleman and womanly, as we discussed the merits of jelly vs. marmalade, Beyonce worried that the rando on the couch was a potential Daryl, and we learned about the history of Challah bread from GatorBaiter.
Joyce: "What's Challah bread?"
Waitress: "Its like a thick white bread."
GatorBaitor: "You wouldn't make a very good Jewish boy"
Ostrowe: "How are we supposed to know that, there's no one Jewish at this table."
GatorBaitor: "I am."
Ostrowe: "What? No you're not, there's no Jewish people in the South."
From here we went to a discussion of bar and bat mitzvahs, as we tried to explain to GatorBaiter the nature of Rockland, at which point our waitress overheard and joined the discussion, as she was a New City native. I must confess that I knew this when I saw her, as I recognized her from my long ago days at Deer Mountain Day Camp. She had a face that was pretty hard to forget, in much the same way I would imagine it would be hard to forget seeing a shotgun wound to the neck in person.
After breakfast Joyce and I departed for Rockland, wisely passing up the 1pm Rangers game at the Garden and taking the train to Nanuet via SEA caucus. We put the exclamation point on the weekend's events with a trip to White Castle, and the subsequent rush to get to my house before I vomited White Castle all over the little guy's car. Though the year is still young, I cannot possibly imagine this weekend being topped. But I'm sure that won't stop us from trying. I think this picture of a pensive Joyce sums up everything.
May the God bless you all, forever.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Texts from New Year's
I was going through my phone and came across a conversation with Sweetfiend that I had on New Year's Eve that I had almost no recollection of. It made me lol. Please to enjoy.
Sweetfiend: Happy New Year!
Ostrowe: You are 3 minutes early
Sweetfiend: Lol I was worried about service
Sweetfiend: How are you feeling?
Ostrowe: I am drunk!? You?
Sweetfiend: Me too. Someone threw cxonfetti at Peg's and she is angry
Ostrowe: Peg is orbrrry. (Ed. note - that was supposed to say "ornery". Stupid Blackberry.) I am awesome at rock band
Sweetfiend: Selena Gomez is singign. Don't you love her?
Sweetfiend: Let's play rock band (Ed. - She was in Queens and I was in Stamford, CT)
Ostrowe: Lol I do love selena gomez. (Ed. - The age of consent in NY is 17. Only 16 in CT!!!) How do you know that?
Sweetfiend: I am a twittwer stalkrer
Ostrowe: I am the greatest rock band singer of all time
Sweetfiend: Lies. I am
Ostrowe: Omg I seriosly doubt that
Ostrowe: I am the greatest man that ever lived. I was born to give
Sweetfiend: I'm a troblemaker
Sweetfiend: Never been a faker
Ostrowe: Lol if you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to
Ostrowe: I'm a do the things that I wanna do, I don't give a damn what I say to you
Sweetfiend: I eat my candy with the pork and beans
Ostrowe: You try to play it cool like you just don't care but soon I'll be playing in your underwear
Ostrowe: I'm like a mage with the magic spell you come like a dog when I ring your bell
Sweetfiend: I downloaded the weezwer pack to my rock band
Ostrowe: Wealthy!
Sweetfiend: Do you know Trustey?
Ostrowe: Yes why?
Sweetfiend: He is currentlu debating whether to fuck a
Sweetfiend: Ariel with a fish face and vagina
Sweetfiend: Or girl face and fins
Ostrowe: Lol sounds like trusty
Sweetfiend: Wha( do you choosre?
Ostrowe: I am a lead singer. Question?
Sweetfiend: Lol the questions is perfect vagina with fish head, or perfect girl with trout vagina
Ostrowe: Its all hips and nips
Ostrowe: I have the voice of an angel
Ostrowe: We are playing for Eddie o's shiny pants
Sweetfiend: Happy New Year!
Ostrowe: You are 3 minutes early
Sweetfiend: Lol I was worried about service
Sweetfiend: How are you feeling?
Ostrowe: I am drunk!? You?
Sweetfiend: Me too. Someone threw cxonfetti at Peg's and she is angry
Ostrowe: Peg is orbrrry. (Ed. note - that was supposed to say "ornery". Stupid Blackberry.) I am awesome at rock band
Sweetfiend: Selena Gomez is singign. Don't you love her?
Sweetfiend: Let's play rock band (Ed. - She was in Queens and I was in Stamford, CT)
Ostrowe: Lol I do love selena gomez. (Ed. - The age of consent in NY is 17. Only 16 in CT!!!) How do you know that?
Sweetfiend: I am a twittwer stalkrer
Ostrowe: I am the greatest rock band singer of all time
Sweetfiend: Lies. I am
Ostrowe: Omg I seriosly doubt that
Ostrowe: I am the greatest man that ever lived. I was born to give
Sweetfiend: I'm a troblemaker
Sweetfiend: Never been a faker
Ostrowe: Lol if you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to
Ostrowe: I'm a do the things that I wanna do, I don't give a damn what I say to you
Sweetfiend: I eat my candy with the pork and beans
Ostrowe: You try to play it cool like you just don't care but soon I'll be playing in your underwear
Ostrowe: I'm like a mage with the magic spell you come like a dog when I ring your bell
Sweetfiend: I downloaded the weezwer pack to my rock band
Ostrowe: Wealthy!
Sweetfiend: Do you know Trustey?
Ostrowe: Yes why?
Sweetfiend: He is currentlu debating whether to fuck a
Sweetfiend: Ariel with a fish face and vagina
Sweetfiend: Or girl face and fins
Ostrowe: Lol sounds like trusty
Sweetfiend: Wha( do you choosre?
Ostrowe: I am a lead singer. Question?
Sweetfiend: Lol the questions is perfect vagina with fish head, or perfect girl with trout vagina
Ostrowe: Its all hips and nips
Ostrowe: I have the voice of an angel
Ostrowe: We are playing for Eddie o's shiny pants
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wrestlemania 25 Running Diary
Wrestlemania 25, the 25th grandaddy of them all, took place on April 6, 2009. Unfortunately, life and things got in the way of my posting the running diary until now. I watched this years grandaddy at Buffalo Wild Wings, much the same as last year. Though this year, instead of Anfron I was accompanied by my girlfriend at the time "Sleeping Beauty". So I present to you, after much delay, the Wrestlemania 25 Running Diary.
704pm - We arrive at Buffalo Wild Wings in the midst of the Money in the Bank intros. This looks to be an awful Money in the Bank match, as the participants so far consist of Mark Henry, Finlay, MVP, Shelton Benjamin of course, and Kofi Kingston.
711 - CHRISTIAN!!! I didn't even know he was back with WWE.
712 - KANE (note - these notes are almost 8 months old, I have no idea why I chose to write Kane's name in all CAPS)
713 - CM Punk is there as well. He's moved up quite a bit since last year.
714 - I ordered wings about 90 seconds ago and they are already here; so much for the running diary of this match.
733 - I went to Wrestlemania and a Kid Rock concert broke out. He's looking a little like Sawyer from lost. I have no idea why he's performing at Wrestlemania. I haven't heard "Bawitdaba" in years.
737 - Sleeping Beauty refuses to believe Rick is Puerto Rican.
"He's too nice."
739 - Wild Wings is getting restless. Not a lot of Kid Rock fans in the crowd.
742 - Oh, ok. Kid Rock was there to kick off the 25 Diva Battle Royal.
743 - SB tries to compare women's wrestling to women's basketball. (not sure what she was trying to say, I can only assume it had something to do with the inverse correlation between actual athletic ability and physical attractiveness)
744 - Someone's going to pop an implant.
745 - Someone horribly botches a Frankensteiner.
748 - I don't think Mickie James went over the top there.
749 - The match is won by Santino wearing a wig and a dress. They should just have the show be 4 hours of him, he's the most entertaining thing they've got.
752 - Up next is a handicap match featuring Chris Jericho vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. It was originally supposed to be Jericho vs. Mickey Rourke until Rourke's PR people decided they didn't want him wrestling. Rourke is there anyway. Personally, I'd have rather seen Jericho take on Rourke over three guys old enough to be my father.
755 - I need to stop drinking Jack, I forgot what I was gonna write. Oh yeah, Rourke looks about as thrilled to be there as he was at the opening night of "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man"
759 - Steamboat is the only one of the old guys in good shape and he's been retired for ten years.
The guy next to me refers to Piper as "Rowdy Roddy Paunchy"
802 - Nachos! Surprisingly Steamboat looks like he can still go. Hope he doesn't get any ideas.
807 - BWW erupts into a chorus of boos for Jericho's win.
813 - Rourke and Jericho face off in the ring.
Guy next to me:"Let's see you tame that lion, Jericho". He officially needs to settle down.
814 - The face-off ends with Rourke "knocking Jericho out" with a punch. The lack of Ram Jam only adds to the lameness of this event.
820 - Matt Hardy's entrance music gets a 5 star rating on my iTunes ("Live for the Moment" by Monster Magnet)
823 - Jeff Hardy's body paint makes it look like Grimace jizzed all over his face.
824 - The rare but effective midair steel chair shot to the ass.
825 - Shop vac violence!
830 - The Braves are up 4-0 in the second and Pupino has Brett Myers on his fantasy team. Too bad he's not here watching this.
831 - A very hirsute Dick Enberg and Billy Packer are interviewing a very alive Al McGuire on ESPN Classic.
835 - Jeff Hardy leapfrogs over a huge ladder and hits nothing but ring; Matt responds with a chair assisted twist of fate for the win and more Monster Magnet.
841 - JBL vs. Rey Mysterio; this match is going to be awful.
842 - Rey comes out in a Heath Ledger Joker costume. Really Rey? Really?
845 - SB: "I hate JBL. He needs to work out his core."
846 - A "Benoit @ Summerslam"-esque victory for Rey
849 - JBL would like to say "You're welcome, America." And also, he quits.
851 - I'm so winded.
852 - This HBK vs. Undertaker video is not going to keep me awake.
854 - I forgot how awesome that HBK vs. Kurt Angle match from a few years ago was. So I guess this video is doing its job.
855 - I have a hard time getting excited for a match involving two guys old enough to be my dad.
856 - HBK is being lowered to the ring on a tower.
9pm - Taker's entrance starts; he's coming up from hell (aka beneath the stage). Nice contrast between the two there.
901 - Good Ol' JR is helpful enough to point out what I just wrote to those watching who were unable to grasp what was going on.
903 - Taker finally gets to the ring.
904 - The match gets under way.
906 - HBK goes old school with the DX chop.
907 - Taker gives HBK a wedgie during a press slam.
908 - There is a question on NTN asking what a Berserker was; shitty early 90s wrestler is not one of the answers.
914 - I can't believe I'm 27 years old and the Undertaker is still wrestling.
916 - The two old men pull off an awful wrestling sequence.
917 - HBK misses a moonsault from the top rope to the floor. Ouch. I think he broke a hip.
919 - Taker hits the cameraman with a suicide dive.
921 - It looks like HBK is trying to date rape the ref.
922 - The Undertaker makes it back to the ring at 9 while HBK is tuning up the band.
925 - BWW is riled up for the finish of this match.
928 - HBK kicks out of the tombstone! WTF?!
935 - The Undertaker wins the match by reversing an attempted HBK moonsault into a tombstone. While it was not a great match technically, the crowd got so involved over the last ten minutes that it definitely puts it up there as far as classics go.
938 - Wow, Holyfield is still alive. I wonder if he can even spell HBK at this point.
941 - Why is Vickie Guerrero making out with Big Show? and why is it on television?
945 - A guy at the bar asks who I write for, I am too retarded to respond "Gentlemanly Productions"
946 - An army of Cena clones makes their way out to ringside.
952 - I just ordered chili queso fries; I immediately regret this decision.
955 - I'm not even watching this match. Big letdown after HBK vs. Undertaker.
958 - How long has Michael Cole been here? He must've said three words all night.
10pm - SleepingBeauty thinks Big Show looks like Shrek; I can't really disagree.
1004 - The champ is here!
1005 - Now the champ is in the crowd.
1008 - SleepingBeauty is marking the date of next year's Wrestlemania in her calendar because she wants to go.
1012 - Huge "Kike" sign in the audience during Stone Cold Steve Austin's beerfest
1014 - Stone Cold's celebration may be going on longer than Undertaker's entrance.
1016 - The IT guy from SleepingBeauty's office just sat down next to us. He looks like a creepier, more molesty Taylor Hicks. He then awkwardly tries to hit on Paulina as she rolls her eyes at him. He does not make me proud.
1020 - Apparently in the buildup to the Randy Orton vs. HHH main event, Orton DDTed Stephanie McMahon and then kissed her while HHH was tied up. He then tied her to the train tracks while twirling his mustache.
1023 - Orton's new entrance music sucks. Bring back Mercy Drive!
1029 - The BWW crowd loves HHH.
1030 - Next time someone asks me who I write for I'm making something up.
1032 - RKO out of nowhere. Of course, no pin attempt. Followed by a Pedigree! What the hell is this???
1033 - HHH steals someone's water.
1034 - Former Dallas Maverick Jim Jackson & Dave Revsine are in Detroit for some channel. I'm guessing ESPN Classic.
1035 - JR: "HHH is not a man who makes idle promises." If you say so.
1036 - Dave Revsine only has to wear one goggle when he goes swimming in HIS POOL! It was Big Ten Network for anyone interested.
1041 - This match is soooo boring.
1044 - Very nice dropkick by Orton.
1046 - A guy behind me randomly yells out "Spanish announce table!!" I'm not the only one getting a little punchy here.
1049 - I'm running out of pages in my notebook. This match better end soon.
1054 - HHH wins; weak ending.
Since as I mentioned above, we're now several months removed from the event, nothing really sticks out as memorable aside from the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels match. Which I guess speaks volumes about the event itself. A sad display for year 25. Maybe I'm just getting too old for this shit. I guess we'll find out next April.
704pm - We arrive at Buffalo Wild Wings in the midst of the Money in the Bank intros. This looks to be an awful Money in the Bank match, as the participants so far consist of Mark Henry, Finlay, MVP, Shelton Benjamin of course, and Kofi Kingston.
711 - CHRISTIAN!!! I didn't even know he was back with WWE.
712 - KANE (note - these notes are almost 8 months old, I have no idea why I chose to write Kane's name in all CAPS)
713 - CM Punk is there as well. He's moved up quite a bit since last year.
714 - I ordered wings about 90 seconds ago and they are already here; so much for the running diary of this match.
733 - I went to Wrestlemania and a Kid Rock concert broke out. He's looking a little like Sawyer from lost. I have no idea why he's performing at Wrestlemania. I haven't heard "Bawitdaba" in years.
737 - Sleeping Beauty refuses to believe Rick is Puerto Rican.
"He's too nice."
739 - Wild Wings is getting restless. Not a lot of Kid Rock fans in the crowd.
742 - Oh, ok. Kid Rock was there to kick off the 25 Diva Battle Royal.
743 - SB tries to compare women's wrestling to women's basketball. (not sure what she was trying to say, I can only assume it had something to do with the inverse correlation between actual athletic ability and physical attractiveness)
744 - Someone's going to pop an implant.
745 - Someone horribly botches a Frankensteiner.
748 - I don't think Mickie James went over the top there.
749 - The match is won by Santino wearing a wig and a dress. They should just have the show be 4 hours of him, he's the most entertaining thing they've got.
752 - Up next is a handicap match featuring Chris Jericho vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. It was originally supposed to be Jericho vs. Mickey Rourke until Rourke's PR people decided they didn't want him wrestling. Rourke is there anyway. Personally, I'd have rather seen Jericho take on Rourke over three guys old enough to be my father.
755 - I need to stop drinking Jack, I forgot what I was gonna write. Oh yeah, Rourke looks about as thrilled to be there as he was at the opening night of "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man"
759 - Steamboat is the only one of the old guys in good shape and he's been retired for ten years.
The guy next to me refers to Piper as "Rowdy Roddy Paunchy"
802 - Nachos! Surprisingly Steamboat looks like he can still go. Hope he doesn't get any ideas.
807 - BWW erupts into a chorus of boos for Jericho's win.
813 - Rourke and Jericho face off in the ring.
Guy next to me:"Let's see you tame that lion, Jericho". He officially needs to settle down.
814 - The face-off ends with Rourke "knocking Jericho out" with a punch. The lack of Ram Jam only adds to the lameness of this event.
820 - Matt Hardy's entrance music gets a 5 star rating on my iTunes ("Live for the Moment" by Monster Magnet)
823 - Jeff Hardy's body paint makes it look like Grimace jizzed all over his face.
824 - The rare but effective midair steel chair shot to the ass.
825 - Shop vac violence!
830 - The Braves are up 4-0 in the second and Pupino has Brett Myers on his fantasy team. Too bad he's not here watching this.
831 - A very hirsute Dick Enberg and Billy Packer are interviewing a very alive Al McGuire on ESPN Classic.
835 - Jeff Hardy leapfrogs over a huge ladder and hits nothing but ring; Matt responds with a chair assisted twist of fate for the win and more Monster Magnet.
841 - JBL vs. Rey Mysterio; this match is going to be awful.
842 - Rey comes out in a Heath Ledger Joker costume. Really Rey? Really?
845 - SB: "I hate JBL. He needs to work out his core."
846 - A "Benoit @ Summerslam"-esque victory for Rey
849 - JBL would like to say "You're welcome, America." And also, he quits.
851 - I'm so winded.
852 - This HBK vs. Undertaker video is not going to keep me awake.
854 - I forgot how awesome that HBK vs. Kurt Angle match from a few years ago was. So I guess this video is doing its job.
855 - I have a hard time getting excited for a match involving two guys old enough to be my dad.
856 - HBK is being lowered to the ring on a tower.
9pm - Taker's entrance starts; he's coming up from hell (aka beneath the stage). Nice contrast between the two there.
901 - Good Ol' JR is helpful enough to point out what I just wrote to those watching who were unable to grasp what was going on.
903 - Taker finally gets to the ring.
904 - The match gets under way.
906 - HBK goes old school with the DX chop.
907 - Taker gives HBK a wedgie during a press slam.
908 - There is a question on NTN asking what a Berserker was; shitty early 90s wrestler is not one of the answers.
914 - I can't believe I'm 27 years old and the Undertaker is still wrestling.
916 - The two old men pull off an awful wrestling sequence.
917 - HBK misses a moonsault from the top rope to the floor. Ouch. I think he broke a hip.
919 - Taker hits the cameraman with a suicide dive.
921 - It looks like HBK is trying to date rape the ref.
922 - The Undertaker makes it back to the ring at 9 while HBK is tuning up the band.
925 - BWW is riled up for the finish of this match.
928 - HBK kicks out of the tombstone! WTF?!
935 - The Undertaker wins the match by reversing an attempted HBK moonsault into a tombstone. While it was not a great match technically, the crowd got so involved over the last ten minutes that it definitely puts it up there as far as classics go.
938 - Wow, Holyfield is still alive. I wonder if he can even spell HBK at this point.
941 - Why is Vickie Guerrero making out with Big Show? and why is it on television?
945 - A guy at the bar asks who I write for, I am too retarded to respond "Gentlemanly Productions"
946 - An army of Cena clones makes their way out to ringside.
952 - I just ordered chili queso fries; I immediately regret this decision.
955 - I'm not even watching this match. Big letdown after HBK vs. Undertaker.
958 - How long has Michael Cole been here? He must've said three words all night.
10pm - SleepingBeauty thinks Big Show looks like Shrek; I can't really disagree.
1004 - The champ is here!
1005 - Now the champ is in the crowd.
1008 - SleepingBeauty is marking the date of next year's Wrestlemania in her calendar because she wants to go.
1012 - Huge "Kike" sign in the audience during Stone Cold Steve Austin's beerfest
1014 - Stone Cold's celebration may be going on longer than Undertaker's entrance.
1016 - The IT guy from SleepingBeauty's office just sat down next to us. He looks like a creepier, more molesty Taylor Hicks. He then awkwardly tries to hit on Paulina as she rolls her eyes at him. He does not make me proud.
1020 - Apparently in the buildup to the Randy Orton vs. HHH main event, Orton DDTed Stephanie McMahon and then kissed her while HHH was tied up. He then tied her to the train tracks while twirling his mustache.
1023 - Orton's new entrance music sucks. Bring back Mercy Drive!
1029 - The BWW crowd loves HHH.
1030 - Next time someone asks me who I write for I'm making something up.
1032 - RKO out of nowhere. Of course, no pin attempt. Followed by a Pedigree! What the hell is this???
1033 - HHH steals someone's water.
1034 - Former Dallas Maverick Jim Jackson & Dave Revsine are in Detroit for some channel. I'm guessing ESPN Classic.
1035 - JR: "HHH is not a man who makes idle promises." If you say so.
1036 - Dave Revsine only has to wear one goggle when he goes swimming in HIS POOL! It was Big Ten Network for anyone interested.
1041 - This match is soooo boring.
1044 - Very nice dropkick by Orton.
1046 - A guy behind me randomly yells out "Spanish announce table!!" I'm not the only one getting a little punchy here.
1049 - I'm running out of pages in my notebook. This match better end soon.
1054 - HHH wins; weak ending.
Since as I mentioned above, we're now several months removed from the event, nothing really sticks out as memorable aside from the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels match. Which I guess speaks volumes about the event itself. A sad display for year 25. Maybe I'm just getting too old for this shit. I guess we'll find out next April.
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